I keep reading that my vanity cards are rants. This troubles me. To my understanding, a rant is an explosive diatribe, a poorly articulated spewing of raw emotion. To successfully write a rant one would need to use a lot of foul language and a small army of exclamation points. Any casual reading of my cards would, I believe, suggest quite the opposite. I have always steered clear from hyperbolic venting, preferring to make my case in subtle, understated ways. In fact, if any one word were to be used to describe my weekly missives, I think it would be "stealthy." Or perhaps "subversive." If I were to use two words, I might go with "winkingly clever." But "rant"? I hardly think so. Even the regrettable card from several years ago in which I suggested that many TV critics would gladly eat a hole through their loved ones in order to tunnel toward a real job in show business, was more a humorous observation than an outpouring of vitriol. And my frequent aggravation toward CBS censorship? Please. That's just a little game we play. Funny jokes are killed off by corporate executives in dead-end jobs and lawyers who are unwilling or unable to actually practice the law, while I make a show of complaining. Theater of the Absurd perhaps, but not a rant. To experience the real thing I would suggest watching video of major league baseball managers disputing calls by umpires, or Fox News. Now those are rants. In the meantime, I will continue to calmly offer my opinion regarding the world as I see it, right here after Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory and Mike&Molly. If, for some reason, my detractors find that unacceptable, I will not stoop to using ugly words and exclamation points. Winkingly clever requires inference.
Go inference yourself.
Go inference yourself.
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