As the great wheel of our democracy rolls forward, I think it's important to take a moment and remember a forgotten hero. A man who so loved his country, he was willing to put on a suit purchased by a personal shopper, stand on a Minneapolis stage in front of a national audience and fake being happy about his impending shotgun wedding. Then, because he is a true patriot, he voluntarily ceased to exist for the next eight weeks. Of course I'm talking about Levi Johnston. Well, Levi, if you're reading this, know that you've served your country well and you're free now. Go! Run! Live your life! Or, you could acquiesce to marriage (look up acquiesce, you'll get a kick out of it), in exchange for a plum job fighting crime in the frozen wilderness. Who knows, maybe there's a TV show in your life and you'll be famous again. I'm thinking we could call it, Tundra Heat, or, Permafrost Flatfoot, or, Glacier Gumshoe, or, Dude, I Forgot the Condoms. Oh, I so smell an Emmy.
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