CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #259

Sometimes I have heated arguments with people who are not physically present. The content of these arguments usually involve me explaining to them how and why they are wrong. I generally make my case with such passion and logic that they have no choice but to admit to being foolish and weak. The fact that some of these people are dead does not interfere with me mentally correcting them. Recently I had one of these arguments while driving alone in my car. After making a particularly cogent point to a flawed family member in need of my wisdom and guidance, I noticed that I was being watched by an attractive woman in a nearby vehicle. Desperate to make a better impression, I quickly picked up my cell phone and continued talking as if I were on an urgent business call. I glanced at her, smiled and shrugged like a man whose work was never done. A policeman then pulled me over for using my cell phone while driving. I tried telling him that I was not actually talking on the phone, but was merely using it as a prop, so as to not appear insane. He smiled, nodded as if he understood, and then made me blow into a breathalyzer. I passed with flying colors. After he wrote me a ticket for using a cell phone while operating a motor vehicle, I drove away and had a loud and intense argument with him in which he laughed at my predicament and apologized for doubting me.